Old Friends and My 17-Year-Old Self

I’ve been in one of those moods. You know the kind of mood where I’m all in my feelings, remembering, thinking, reflecting, asking all the questions.

Recently I saw a handful of people from way back when and it stirred up all kinds of things.

Like sadness because life can sometimes change so quickly that it takes your breath away. One minute you’re living your best 17-year-old life. You have plans and people and places. But in the blink of an eye, your best 17-year-old life seems to vanish into thin air. It morphs into something you couldn’t have imagined and, in some ways, didn’t choose even if just for a season. And the plans, the places, and people vanish right along with it.  Sometimes they come back around, and sometimes not. And, I’m not being dramatic.

Like gratitude because some people feel like coming home. Do you know what I mean? It’s like your soul breathes a deep sigh of relief at the sight of them, because once-upon-a-time they were your people. And while 17-year-old Valerie didn’t have language for it, these people were safe, steady, and oh-so-significant to me. To have known them for any time at all is a gift. And, if you’re lucky, you’ll get to know them again.

Like grief because when you stand across from people who somehow still feel like home after decades of distance, you feel the sense of loss all over again and a tiny hint of wishful thinking that you could pick right back up where you left off. Because how can it possibly be that thirty years passed.

Like regret because I didn’t understand how to invite my friends into hard, messy things, so I let them go instead. I’m not sure many 17-year-olds really understand how to do that, at least not 17-year-olds like me. Now I know better.

Like curiosity because you want to know all the things. ALL of them. But to bombard my friends with all the questions would have been a tiny bit obnoxious. And I’m sure I was ridiculous, but I don’t even care.

Like joy because when you’re looking for it, you can find it in the most unlikely places. These people represent something good and right. They’re part of moments I look back on with fondness that make my heart smile even today. My best 17-year-old life was turned upside down by trauma and tragedy. But here we are, all these years later, because Jesus. And, my best life is this one. Also, because Jesus.

Like hope because God is strong and kind. He will never be one without the other. He is patient, full of unfailing love, and always present. He’s perfectly faithful, and friends, He’s paying attention. This weekend, He knew just what my heart needed.

That’s who He is —the God who sees. And, this is what He does — the God who cares.

In the meantime, if you have people in your life who feel like home let them know. Today. Tell them that they matter. Make it weird. Otherwise you might find yourself standing on the other side of thirty years, wishing your 17-year-old self had known better.

Love your people. Love them well. Love them on purpose. And, love them out loud. Yeah, what if we did that?

Be Kind Anyway

So I’ve been thinking…

There have been many instances over the last few years where I’ve come away shocked by people who have been unkind, manipulative, dishonest, and insensitive without a shred of self-awareness or empathy. I’ll be the first to admit we all have our moments, and I certainly don’t get it right all of the time. I’ve hurt people unintentionally, and I’ve been hurt by people. Anybody else?

But, here’s the thing: my heart is FOR people. Do you know why? Because, Jesus. People matter. YOU matter.

How we show up in the world matters; we are ambassadors of Christ. And, it’s not just in doing the “right” things — just like with everything else, it’s a posture of the heart. It’s doing the right things with the right attitude.

Sometimes, I get disheartened when I see people wounding others, not out of love but with malice. Because, here’s the thing: God is kind. He has demonstrated His kindness to us in big and small ways. And sometimes, He uses people to do that.

I’m so grateful for the people I’ve encountered who are kind, generous, and willing to see others. They have demonstrated the goodness and kindness of God to me in ways that are beautiful and beyond words. That’s the kind of girl—the kind of Christ follower—I want to be

How about you? When you walk into a room are you more concerned with being seen than you are with seeing others? Do you walk into a room with an attitude that says, “Here I am! Do you see me?”

Friend, there’s a better way.  Can I encourage you today toward a heart that says, “There you are! I see you.”

It’s a small but powerful shift in perspective. Because, we all want to know that we matter. To be seen. To be heard. To be known.

Show up and see people. Really see them. And demonstrate the kindness of the Father. Always. Have the same attitude that Jesus had (Phil 2).

Yeah, what if we did that?

Friends, never underestimate the impact of kindness.

Be kind. Even when it’s not convenient. Even when there’s nothing in it for you. Even when the other person isn’t. Do it anyway. Kindness matters. We can’t love them if we refuse to see them.

It may not always be easy—because, people. But it’s always worth it—because, people. We are for people, because Jesus.

Whimsy. For the Win.

Hey, it's me. I love Dr. Pepper and donuts. I have a collection of scented markers and flair pens. And I love to drink sparkling water out of a Smurf glass. Sometimes, I watch cartoons, and I love to play games. I have three suitable-for-adults tulle skirts that I refer to as tutus. Oh! And I love to wear a good, kitschy graphic tee (my current fave features Snoopy). Never mind the Mario Kart Happy Meal toys I have piling up in my office.

I tend to be nostalgic, for sure. I love things that instantly conjure up all the warm, cozy feels. You know, things that remind me of where I came from and who I am. It's why you can often find me wandering through the Peddler's Mall with a warm cup of coffee in my hand, looking at all the things. One of my favorite life rules: "Everybody needs a little whimsy in their life." I believe it. To. my. core.

Maybe you're thinking it's all too absurd. I'm an adult, after all. I get it, I do. I have a serious side, too. Once upon a time, I might have been too serious, uptight even. I can also be very practical. I'm quiet, introverted, and introspective, with very big feelings. E X T R A. I know. Yet, somewhere along the way, I learned that a little whimsy in my life helps more than it hurts. I figured out that all these things can be true at the same time.

That's right, I said W H I M S Y! We don't use that word much anymore. But I love it! It means "playful, lightly fanciful, and/or quaint in an appealing way."

Here's the thing: it's okay to play—even as grown-ups. Not only is it okay, but it's necessary! The benefits are numerous and include improved mental health, emotional stability, lower stress, emotional healing, a positive mindset, boosted creativity, improved relationships, better brain function, and better physical health.

Appropriate expressions of playfulness at appropriate times are healthy. I used to get all tangled up here believing playfulness = immaturity. A well-meaning leader once advised me that playfulness undermines influence, authority, and credibility. I bought into that idea for a long time until I realized it reinforced a fear of man and overemphasized outward appearance. It is possible to take ourselves too seriously because, pride. I'm not advocating for the right to be a goofball! I'm saying this: making room for whimsy in our lives isn't absurd -- it's brave. It's not about abandoning wisdom and turning your nose up at the notion of maturity and responsibility. It's about confidence enough to hold both things in a healthy tension. It means you can intentionally seek out and embrace tiny pockets of joy. You can live without fear of judgment. You can dare to dream and imagine. You can grab hold of genuine curiosity. Life can be challenging, but it can also be wildly beautiful and full of wonder. How I choose to see makes a considerable difference. I want to see the world with wide-eyed wonder.

What's more, I don't have to carry on as if the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. God has the whole wide world in His strong and capable hands. It's not my job to control anything.

So, if you need me, I'll be over here sipping Dr. Pepper out of my fave Smurf glass, choosing wonder over worry, fully believing that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is give ourselves permission to play. Won't you join me?

Sometimes . . .

God is not necessarily trying to break our hearts by directing our path through hard places. 

. . . 

But, friends, He is trying to make us look like Jesus. 

. . . 

You know what else He wants to do? 

. . . 

He wants to cultivate a deep trust in Him and dependence on Him. 

. . . 

He wants to make us ready for all the things He planned and purposed for us before we breathed our first breath. The things He sees coming that we can’t even imagine. 

. . . 

He wants to teach us how to point people to Jesus in all things. He wants to show us how He makes beautiful things out of the hard places. 

. . . 

And above all, He wants us know Him more deeply and intimately and love Him most.

. . . 

Sometimes, heartbreak leads to deeper humility and trust. Sometimes, hard things give you eyes to see Jesus more clearly than before. Why only sometimes? Because you get to choose. 

Choose to surrender. Choose to believe. Choose to trust. Choose to see. 

He cares for us deeply, and He always keeps His promises. 

What's the Big Deal About Birthdays?

I can't help myself. I always make a big fuss around my birthday. I love my birthday. I love birthdays in general, but I digress. For a few weeks leading up to the date, I have fun reminding everyone around me, "It's almost my birthday!" Yeah, I'm that girl. It's funny and ridiculous, but my people love me anyway! And, yes, I know it's probably annoying someone, but that doesn't matter to me. Here's why.

I make a big deal about my birthday because I survived. No, wait. I overcame. I'm here--alive, well, and amazed at the faithfulness of God.

What exactly did I survive? All the hard things. My life has not been rainbows and unicorns all over the place. My story is full of good things, for sure. But, it's also full of hard things, tragedy and trauma included. Oh, and loss, there's been a tremendous amount of loss. Don't we all have those moments in our story that mark us? We are one way before these moments and another way after. Life looks one way before and an entirely different way after. Disappointment is heavy to carry.

For the longest time, I held those moments close to my heart and refused to heal. But somewhere along the way, I loosened my grip and invited God to mend my heart and mind. Here's what I know: I would not be here apart from the power of His unfailing love and kindness toward me.

So, when my birthday rolls around, I remember and celebrate. On purpose. God saved my life and redeemed all the hard things. And, friends, if God can reach down and mend the brokenness in my life, He can do the same for you, for anyone. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is beyond His reach. For every hard and impossible circumstance, there is the unfailing love of an ever-present Savior. I don't want to forget to remember. He has filled my life with greater joy. I'm glad that I get to be alive and that I belong to Him. I mattered to Him enough that He stepped into the brokenness and messiness and rescued me. And, you matter too.