Whimsy. For the Win.

Hey, it's me. I love Dr. Pepper and donuts. I have a collection of scented markers and flair pens. And I love to drink sparkling water out of a Smurf glass. Sometimes, I watch cartoons, and I love to play games. I have three suitable-for-adults tulle skirts that I refer to as tutus. Oh! And I love to wear a good, kitschy graphic tee (my current fave features Snoopy). Never mind the Mario Kart Happy Meal toys I have piling up in my office.

I tend to be nostalgic, for sure. I love things that instantly conjure up all the warm, cozy feels. You know, things that remind me of where I came from and who I am. It's why you can often find me wandering through the Peddler's Mall with a warm cup of coffee in my hand, looking at all the things. One of my favorite life rules: "Everybody needs a little whimsy in their life." I believe it. To. my. core.

Maybe you're thinking it's all too absurd. I'm an adult, after all. I get it, I do. I have a serious side, too. Once upon a time, I might have been too serious, uptight even. I can also be very practical. I'm quiet, introverted, and introspective, with very big feelings. E X T R A. I know. Yet, somewhere along the way, I learned that a little whimsy in my life helps more than it hurts. I figured out that all these things at the same time.

That's right, I said W H I M S Y! We don't use that word much anymore. But I love it! It means "playful, lightly fanciful, and/or quaint in an appealing way."

Here's the thing: it's okay to play—even as grown-ups. Not only is it okay, but it's necessary! The benefits are numerous and include improved mental health, emotional stability, lower stress, emotional healing, a positive mindset, boosted creativity, improved relationships, better brain function, and better physical health.

Appropriate expressions of playfulness at appropriate times are healthy. I used to get all tangled up here believing playfulness = immaturity. A well-meaning leader once advised me that playfulness undermines influence, authority, and credibility. I bought into that idea for a long time until I realized it reinforced a fear of man and overemphasized outward appearance. It is possible to take ourselves too seriously because, pride. I'm not advocating for the right to be a goofball! I'm saying this: making room for whimsy in our lives isn't absurd -- it's brave. It's not about abandoning wisdom and turning your nose up at the notion of maturity and responsibility. It's about confidence enough to hold both things in a healthy tension. It means you can intentionally seek out and embrace tiny pockets of joy. You can live without fear of judgment. You can dare to dream and imagine. You can grab hold of genuine curiosity. Life can be challenging, but it can also be wildly beautiful and full of wonder. How I choose to see makes a considerable difference. I want to see the world with wide-eyed wonder.

What's more, I don't have to carry on as if the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. God has the whole wide world in His strong and capable hands. It's not my job to control anything.

So, if you need me, I'll be over here sipping Dr. Pepper out of my fave Smurf glass, choosing wonder over worry, fully believing that sometimes the bravest thing we can do is give ourselves permission to play. Won't you join me?

Eyes Up. Ears Open.

Sunflowers are so cool. While a sunflower is actively growing, it literally reaches for the sun as it tracks the light across the sky from sunrise to sundown. Heliotropism is the fancy Scientific word to describe the behavior. I think we could learn a thing or two from these beautiful flowers. I mean, do you ever feel like you’re not “tracking” in one way or another? Yeah, me too. Just this week actually.

I woke up yesterday with a song in my mind. One phrase on repeat, again and again and again. Confession: I am not excited when this happens! It actually drives me a little bananas.

“Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me. Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me…”

I headed out for my morning walk planning to listen to another song and reset my brain. I fumbled with my phone in my gloved up hands, all the while this one phrase from this one song was rolling around in my mind. But, I was determined and a tiny bit frustrated. Until something stopped me dead in my tracks. “Are you listening? Pay attention. Walk with Me.”

It wasn’t an audible voice, but I’ve learned to recognize this kind of interruption — a gentle (or sometimes not-so-gentle) nudge in my spirit. So, I walked and talked to God — about all kinds of things. And I listened.

I prayed about finances and a job opportunity. “…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed about family matters. “…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed about ministry. “…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed about friendships and deep community. “…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed about a broken down car — again. “Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed through some discouragement. “…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

I prayed about the grief and heartache lingering after walking away from one season while feeling completely uncertain about what’s next.

“…Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me.”

“Are you listening? Pay attention.”

Here’s the thing: God is really, really good at being God.  And He always does what’s good and best. During my walk, after every single request, that one phrase from the one song rang out in my head as a clear reminder that He’s got every detail well in-hand. And before the end of that day, God made that truth evident to me in multiple ways. I’m grateful He stopped me in my tracks that morning, otherwise, I might have missed it. For the last few days, I hadn’t been paying attention. I wasn’t tracking with Him. And, He knew it. But, in His kindness, He reminded me that He hems me in, before and behind and His goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. Good days, bad days, and every day in-between. Because, Jesus.

And if it’s true for me, it’s true for you, too. Don’t forget to remember. Eyes up. Ears open. Pay. Attention.

Sometimes . . .

God is not necessarily trying to break our hearts by directing our path through hard places. 

. . . 

But, friends, He is trying to make us look like Jesus. 

. . . 

You know what else He wants to do? 

. . . 

He wants to cultivate a deep trust in Him and dependence on Him. 

. . . 

He wants to make us ready for all the things He planned and purposed for us before we breathed our first breath. The things He sees coming that we can’t even imagine. 

. . . 

He wants to teach us how to point people to Jesus in all things. He wants to show us how He makes beautiful things out of the hard places. 

. . . 

And above all, He wants us know Him more deeply and intimately and love Him most.

. . . 

Sometimes, heartbreak leads to deeper humility and trust. Sometimes, hard things give you eyes to see Jesus more clearly than before. Why only sometimes? Because you get to choose. 

Choose to surrender. Choose to believe. Choose to trust. Choose to see. 

He cares for us deeply, and He always keeps His promises. 

Valentine’s Day? I’d Rather Not.

Valentine’s Day?  I’d Rather Not.

Grief changes everything. Take Valentine's Day, for example. Chocolate candies, fresh flowers, sweet greeting cards, and candlelight dinners for two seem harmless enough. Who wouldn't want to celebrate love and romance, after all? But for grievers, holidays are challenging and, well, just hard. Maybe you can relate? Or, perhaps someone close to you can? 

Let's meet Sandra and James. Today, I want to tell you their story. 

Sandra was grieving her momma's death and sorting through a string of disappointments and heartache in an attempt to find someone, anyone, with whom to share her life. She was wrecked, exhausted by grief, and hanging on by a thread when James came along. Despite having decided she'd take a break from dating, she agreed to dinner and a movie with James. He was polite and kind, but Sandra was mostly unimpressed. She was unimpressed at least until realizing she actually missed him during the week following their date. After one more date, curiosity replaced disinterest. She found James to be kind, tender-hearted, and always giving of himself. He was carefully attentive to her heart. The romance and engagement were a bit of a whirlwind, but they just knew. They fit, and no one could argue! Because of James, Sandra finally understood what it meant to be fully and wholly loved, brokenness and all. This love was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love -- a gift from God, a treasure. 

But the story takes a sudden and unwanted twist two years after they were married. One morning, Sandra woke as James, lying next to her, suffered a massive heart attack. He died at the hospital. Sorrow landed on her with indescribable, heart-wrenching pain. And, so Sandra finds herself grieving on days when she should be celebrating. 

Today, Sandra bravely shared her heart with me in a conversation about love, loss, and moving through grief. Why? Because she hopes her story can offer a shred of hope to other grievers. 

Q: Do you find holidays like Valentine's Day particularly hard? Why or why not?

Sandra: I think holidays and memorable dates (anniversaries) are hard, although I don't always realize the impact until I'm in the moment or until after the day has passed. I feel like I have to work hard not to ruin other people's holidays/major events because I'm grieving. I work through significant dates by taking each moment, each day, each week, and leaning on God. 

Q: What are things other people do that you find most helpful when your grief swells up? What do you wish people wouldn't do?

Sandra: To be honest, support comes in different ways. I want friends and family to check on me; but, I also need them to understand when I need space. Don't avoid the topic. That doesn't make it hurt less. It's more helpful to the healing process when I'm able to talk about it if I need to. Let me feel my emotions and pain without trying to talk me out of it by saying things like, "James wouldn't want you to feel this way" or "You should be over this by now." Unsolicited advice and opinions are more hurtful than helpful. When people tell you where you should be in the process, that's hurtful. Sometimes support is just your presence (even if you're silent).

Q: What are some other things that have helped along the way? 

Sandra: In grief, it's hard to sort out what's real and what's not real. So, find an anchor. For me, it was God, my family, and the people in my church. I have friends who've experienced loss and understand it. So, they were able to help me when I needed it most. Also, finding a Christian counselor was important. When you bury a loved one, you bury hopes and dreams along with him or her, all the plans you've made. It's loss in a lot of different ways. I also have to pay attention to how my body is responding. Sometimes, I need more sleep, so I sleep, for example. 

Q: What might you say to someone else who is just starting their grief journey? What would you want them to know? 

Sandra: This is your journey and process, and people may not understand your pain and heartache. They may not be familiar with the longing left in your heart after such loss. People can't hear the conversations and see the moments you replay in your mind as you process a new reality. Grieve at your own pace. Most importantly, losing someone you love isn't something you GET OVER or forget. You move forward. Sometimes it doesn't hurt as bad, and other times the pain is as raw as the first day. Some days you feel like you're making progress, but then something takes you back. Those moments are not setbacks, but they are part of the process. Don't be afraid to set healthy boundaries for yourself. Seek counseling, accept help, and take your time grieving. God's everlasting love will bring healing and redemption. Just keep going.

There it is, friends. Just keep going. Healing is hard work, but there is hope. Sandra is living proof. Give yourself space and the grace to grieve. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. You are not alone. 

James + Sandra on their wedding day, April 2011. James passed away in June 2013.

What's the Big Deal About Birthdays?

I can't help myself. I always make a big fuss around my birthday. I love my birthday. I love birthdays in general, but I digress. For a few weeks leading up to the date, I have fun reminding everyone around me, "It's almost my birthday!" Yeah, I'm that girl. It's funny and ridiculous, but my people love me anyway! And, yes, I know it's probably annoying someone, but that doesn't matter to me. Here's why.

I make a big deal about my birthday because I survived. No, wait. I overcame. I'm here--alive, well, and amazed at the faithfulness of God.

What exactly did I survive? All the hard things. My life has not been rainbows and unicorns all over the place. My story is full of good things, for sure. But, it's also full of hard things, tragedy and trauma included. Oh, and loss, there's been a tremendous amount of loss. Don't we all have those moments in our story that mark us? We are one way before these moments and another way after. Life looks one way before and an entirely different way after. Disappointment is heavy to carry.

For the longest time, I held those moments close to my heart and refused to heal. But somewhere along the way, I loosened my grip and invited God to mend my heart and mind. Here's what I know: I would not be here apart from the power of His unfailing love and kindness toward me.

So, when my birthday rolls around, I remember and celebrate. On purpose. God saved my life and redeemed all the hard things. And, friends, if God can reach down and mend the brokenness in my life, He can do the same for you, for anyone. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is beyond His reach. For every hard and impossible circumstance, there is the unfailing love of an ever-present Savior. I don't want to forget to remember. He has filled my life with greater joy. I'm glad that I get to be alive and that I belong to Him. I mattered to Him enough that He stepped into the brokenness and messiness and rescued me. And, you matter too.